April 2013
3 posts
“i choose uncertainty as the only path forward, trust and care as the only...”
– letter to a lover, 4/5/13
first night
your hands linger, the weight of them, and lift. those slow blinks and small nods. whispered demands and minute shifts in motion.
how to become smaller, safer, more hidden. how to hold still.
how to dim the peripheral maelstrom and let light.
we are in a room with stained glass windows and a small hammer in case of emergency.
there is a proverb for this, or an acronym. it is unsettled....
ascension
the more i am left to my own devices, outside traditional family and relationship bonds, outside traditional workplace and institutional environments, outside mainstream media and status quo opinion, the more able i am to give no fucks.
i realize there is undeniable privilege contributing to the position i currently keep. it is also created by certain oppressions. the exposition of these...
March 2013
1 post
“you know me, i’m the life of the party, beautiful people surround me,...”
– motherfuckin Rihanna, half of me, new theme song.
January 2013
7 posts
5 tags
“Often the worst part of feeling this goddamn shitty is the guilt that goes along...”
– new blog post “why are you so sad: pas de deux” at kateemacneill.com
love
me: who are you and where did you come from? i know you are trying to trick me.
him: i come from the future; i am a hologram projected through artificial intelligence.
me: you seem sorta... fleshy for a hologram.
him: i'm a future hologram.
me: oh, we'll why are you here? what do you want?
him: sex, just sex.
me: really? you came all this way for that?
him: for you, yes.
me: okay, well that's kind of nice. for how long?
him: forever.
me: that's a pretty long time.
him: not in the future.
me: are you going to stop being nice to me at some point?
him: nope.
me: this is the way you are programmed?
him: yup.
me: well this doesn't sound like too bad a deal.
him: yup.
me: wait, i don't really have a choice in the matter anyway, do i?
him: nope.
me: okay. that's a relief.
you know what’s AWESOME?
NOT BEING IN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS.
wish i could time warp and explain this to my younger selves.
‘no, honey, when he says he’ll kill himself if you leave him, that doesn’t mean he loves you.’
‘no, dear, when she says her invading your privacy is your fault, that doesn’t mean she cares about you.’
‘no,...
‘you’re already okay.’
to have these hands, you commented on their momentary softness, it is how you were introduced to me, as a man who works with his hands.
i imagine it could be how i gauge the seasons, summer roughness along bare back, polished fingernails against my lips. your lips as ever soft as ever you would come to me.
it is our skin, isn’t it? how we...
“I open my eyes again to the grey window. The white cat is staring at me. He...”
– http://kateemacneill.com my newest blog post on winter, sadness and support networks.
WIN
THE BOY WEARS VEGAN FLUEVOGS AND SHOVELED MY STAIRWAY. OBVS NOT AT THE SAME TIME.
i bind myself; i tear and retch inside confinements. some stand watch, willing to wait until i’ve immobilized myself enough to be their easy prey. some attempt to untangle and wound their own hands, lose limbs as longings before shrinking free.
i have a new lover, and their hands drift along my skin as if seabirds were a part of their ocean. no strings; only air. we build mountains of...
December 2012
2 posts
when you think a crush is about to ask you out and they ask if you’re interested in being a camgirl for their porn startup
average wednesday
+ one new phone
+ one family doctor
- one boyfriend
November 2012
2 posts
why my friends are my friends
me: yo, i shaved part of my head
brian: that's really trendy right now, hey?
me: nah, it's not that hip anymore.
brian: ah that's cool then.
ugh i miss you guys
October 2012
4 posts
what is this waking up after sleeping for two hours and unable to get back to sleep. ugh. i miss living alone. i miss my apartment. i miss the staircase and the brick wall and sloped ceilings and the windows to the sky. i miss the quiet and hum of the traffic outside like the ocean. i miss the friends being so close. i miss feeling that safe.
TOTALLY JUST GOT A PHONE CALL FROM SOMEONE SAYING THEY WERE DOING A LINGERIE SURVEY AND I WAS LIKE HEY I LOVE LINGERIE SURE AND THEN WHEN DUDE ASKED IF WEARING THE THIGH HIGH STOCKINGS I LIKE TO BUY TURNED ME ON I WAS LIKE WHAT KIND OF SURVEY IS THIS AND HE SAID THE FUN KIND AND PROCEEDED TO TRY AND CONVINCE ME TO HAVE PHONE SEX WITH HIM AND SAID IT WAS FATE THAT HE RANDOMLY PICKED MY NUMBER AND I...
SO AT AGE 27
i am living the dream life of my 17 yo self. the life i was too anxious/depressed/broke/paranoid/self-destructive to live at the time.
i am:
living in one of the coolest cities with some of my bffs.
working at a cool rock band merch store selling rolling papers and making tshirts.
dating my dream boy.
playing rpgs with a group of cute dudes.
in a writing reading group with hot feminist...
okay so if you people haven’t figure it out yet, i can’t access tumblr from my phone wo a great deal of hassle, so i am TRYING TO TWEET.
IT IS REALLY HARD.
YOU SHOULD JOIN ME OVER THERE CUZ I MISS YOUS.
https://twitter.com/kemacneill
September 2012
127 posts
OH HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND →
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where he lived happily ever after cuz spiders... →
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so then i communed w the spider after attacking it... →
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RADICAL DIY COLLAB WRITING GROUP FORMATION W/... →
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okay even i'm told not to dress like an elf it... →
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NEW BORN GOLD NEW RIHANNA NEW CRYSTAL CASTLES ALL... →
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so when i was 18 and trying to write like kathy... →
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fyeeeah Val Venus (Physical Therapy Remix) by... →
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REWARD SYSTEM. APPLY FOR JOB >>>> READ... →
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lol @ me writing cover letters →
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DREAMY JOB APPLIED TO. TAKE THAT SELF-SABOTAGE →
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"Upon relocating to Montreal, I realized that my... →
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ok kate, just get your shit 2gether and apply for... →
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'Just because yer tired doesn't mean you have to... →
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i think i used to dance while waiting for buses... →
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ROOMIES & I GOT SYSTEM SORTED. I AM MOUSE... →
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SOMETIMES LOVE HURTS MY BRAIN →
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SHUT UP https://t.co/fipy5HkW →
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'YOU HAVE CONTACTED THE NEGATIVE CONSCIENCE... →
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WHAT IS THIS THIS PERILOUS FEELING →
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OH MAN https://t.co/kqRS5uL6 →
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this is what it takes for me to clean my room:... →
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except when, 'so you wanna be an elf on weds?'... →
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bf says i am too literal on twitter. too... →
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PRINCESS CONNECTIONS →
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oh, also the layout of the upping the anti ear to... →
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P.1 portfolio was labour at trent arthur cover.... →
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uh, they want me to send them writing samples →
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well that was interesting http://t.co/P3gxnBw6 →
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job search tip no.2 sabotage yourself by being... →
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'it's just a temp job; it's not your life. plus,... →
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