December 2011
125 posts
3 tags
4 tags
smoothie lesson #1
protein powder should not be left on the edges of cups because it turns into concrete.
2 tags
4 tags
November 2011
96 posts
3 tags
lift off.
3 tags
dreams
[TRIGGER WARNING: street violence, pregnancy, miscarriage]
i am pregnant and unwell. i wander through the days dizzy and fading away and tired. friends do nice things for me. i read books. i sleep a lot. i become obsessed with biology texts about insects. with insects who shed skin. who weave webs and cocoons. who eat each other. who eat their young. i feel safe in these imaginings of jungle and...
and like this.
rihanna - what’s my name...
3 tags
“Connected knowing arises out of the experience of relationships [as opposed to...”
– belenky, clinchy, goldberger, & tarule as quoted in conny steenman-marcusse’s re-writing pioneer women in anglo-canadian literature
1 tag
okay,
okay, enough moping.
back to serious worktimes.
CHILL THE F OUT AND BE AWESOME.
because i have the most inspiring friends & lovers around me, and the only way to give them their dues is by giving it all back.
ONWARD, OKAY? WINTER TOO SHALL PASS. MIGHT AS WELL GET A BUNCH OF STUFF DONE.
4 tags
ATTENTION.
sometimes you’ve loved someone so much for so long that you can hardly even get along with(out) them anymore.
ten years this has been (r)evolving:
i don’t want to give you space. i want you here now. i can’t be here now. but i don’t want you to give me space.
i don’t have the ability (or the desire) to just show up on your doorstep anymore.
but sometimes...
2 tags
“taxes exist; they pay for hospitals. just fucking deal with it.”
– heard walking out of bata library.
4 tags
families
trying to figure out the difference between wanting to stay and not wanting to go back.
5 tags
8 tags
2 tags
dreams
something about shopping for wool socks, putting mascara in my hair, and being a four year old child whose hipster parents are getting married and they can’t explain why.
stress & confusion & delay.
alternating between buses not being on time & missing them by a fraction.
2 tags
people who list garden state among their favourite movies on okcupid.
4 tags
echoes
you learn things from older siblings through a complicated system of osmosis.
my sister, twelve years older than i, rarely had the time to really share anything. she loved me. but she was always leaving. she was gone to winnipeg by the time i was five. the west coast by the time i was eight? nine?
i stole things to keep her close. books, tapes, pictures. for some reason, these thefts felt more...
4 tags
4 tags
ancestors.
my family histories have been hidden away.
foremothers left far behind, tales untold.
buried deep in the soils of saskatchewan snowfalls.
is it any wonder i feel closer to these damn “canadian” writers?
their penchants for landscape and memory and history and idenity?
their dying mothers and ostracized youths?
their lives spent looking up at the towering anthills and tripping...
2 tags
“In Mexico they do this festival the right way, with no disguises. Bright candy...”
– atwood, cat’s eye
5 tags
when i was doing bradley’s hair & makeup for candice’s bowie themed birthday party, he noted that the shit my kitten had just taken was very smelly. this was true, and quite out of the ordinary.
i just went to make myself a bedtime snack and couldn’t find the last faux veggie chicken burger.
when i realized i had left it on the counter yesterday.
BURGER BURGLAR.
3 tags
remember
all those instruments from elementary school music class?
like finger cymbals.
4 tags
3 tags
4 tags
4 tags
changes
the addition of two late night burrito places to peterborough’s downtown has had a distinct effect on the colour and texture of the sidewalk vomit.
5 tags
4 tags
contented
i spent most of the day thinking about british literature and love. surprise surprise.
we just read ‘let them call it jazz’ by jean rhys, and it almost killed me. i wanted to finish my paper on woolf for seminar, but instead i found myself forgetting my notes and staring at the cloth snowmen with plastic carrot noses in the trend cafe. i was busy pouring myself a gin and vermouth,...
3 tags
1 tag
reason to leave the house #2
writing my paper out by hand in the bricks and awkward compliments of chef daniel at traill.
2 tags
2 tags
survival strategies #2
i have totally added ‘good posture’ to my list of activities and interests.
5 tags
5 tags
3 tags
3 tags
5 tags
Watchlandonspeers:
Just up’d some new jams.
this is cheering me up bigtime this morning. this is landon. these are his new jams. they sound like the inside of my brain will when i have a bicycle and an ocean nearby.
i have a big funny crush on landon. most of the time i just wanna give him a big kiss, but mainly we just high five and joke about our hair.
5 tags
wednesday
it’s morning and all of your friends and lovers are far away. you can hear the slush in the streets as the traffic squeezes through the glares of cold pedestrians. we are at the moment of seasonal adaptation.
you dreamt you had a plane ticket to manchester in your hand. this is both literal and symbolic. this is both love and terror. you feel uncertain. you like the feeling. you are tired...
3 tags
7 tags
blog critique.
Jes: Not sure why you're self conscious though. I thought your blog was like a journal?
Me: It is. But you remember how I was about performing. As much as I have a fairly 'public' face and probably care too much for others' approval, I am pretty gun shy about presenting any of my work to people. And the blog is so...momentary. It's not balanced and structured and thought out and close-to-perfect-presentation like other work I've shown. I dunno.
Jes: Blogs generally ain't. I dunno...maybe you should challenge yourself in this area. Get messy. Make mistakes (to get all Ms Frizz on ya).
Me: Totally! I think so, too. I think that's part of the experiment. Not totally sure how to go about that.
Jes: Deprecate...rant...goof...Spill more, sculpt less. Like, um, pooping your pants? I would only tell a talented writer to poop their pants. Wait. Yeah, no. I mean what I said.
Me: You're great. I know. I am generally really sad and abstract and dull. But that is kind of my brain. :/
Jes: Hmm...I think you try sometimes (unnecessarily) to compensate for what you feel is dullness about you. But 'dullness' or mundaneness or what have you is...human? And can be injected (as you well know) not cynically (I don't like overly cynical writing) but to craft a relatability?
Me: Hm. I think I get that. All I think about is sex and death and plants though.
Jes: And that's because yer cool. Cool + real = stunning human(ness)
Me: Aw. Can I post part of this conversation? Ha ha ha.
Jes: As long as you omit my typos. I have an image to uphold, after all. ;)
Jes mothafuckin Sachse, everybody.
4 tags
living alone.
making two trips to the hardware store because you can’t carry cat litter and a humidifier at the same time without risking dropping your christmas lights from your winter gloves.
4 tags
2 tags
reasons to leave the house #1
listening to high school kids in the cafe talk about their love lives with self-respect and hope.
5 tags
love.
i feel very lucky to have multiple people, friends and lovers and adopted family, in my life whom i would love to be the last person i see before i fuck off into oblivion.
ten years ago, so alone, i could never have imagined this for myself.
since consciously and publicly practicing a more poly kind of love, i’ve experienced a radical dispersal of dependence that has provided me with...
5 tags
4 tags
i had a dream last night there was a heatwave and all my friends piled into my apartment because i was the only one with an air conditioner still in my window.
(in reality, it makes my bed a site of the approaching winter breeze.)
5 tags
anxiety.
it’s a blackness slowly creeping up from my toenails and in through my fingernails.
it starts in unnoticed bleeding cuticles and stubbed toes.
it moves to rolled ankles and aching wrists.
i catch it when it gets to my slouched shoulders and aching hips.
i recognize it, face it head on, and turn away.
it keeps me in bed some mornings.
it used to be for days, but today it was only a...
4 tags
