May 2012
134 posts
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important questions
are all love letters, then, ghost stories?
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If, as Barthes maintains, absence is the first premise of desire, then the love...
– Writing Lovers, Meira Cook
-sea-change-
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here is what i find hardest:
sea-change:
how do you write absence?
how do you do anything with it, anything at all, other than try to move around this giant hole in your life and hope desperately that you don’t fall in?
write around it? write through it? write to it?
April 2012
116 posts
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write it out
i’ve tried to not think about the soul, spirit, animus. my quests for meaning and possibility have been spent with my toes in the soil and eyes in the sky. the stars are visible, tangible, definite; they burn out, too. the earth can be tainted, planted; it can be destroyed and can recover.
this was always enough for me. the metaphors were always enough.
enter recurrence. disruption....
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confessions #33
i’ve felt sick to my stomach all day trying not to think about going under general anaesthetic tomorrow to get my three wisdom out.
(there’s part of me that feels like it knows it will drag me back to that dark place.)
(when i’ve come so far.)
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tgispring
tulips on the dvp.
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oh god.
i am sitting beside a beautiful girl on the bus whose iphone has animal ears and laptop background is japanese pop stars and she keeps pulling individually saran wrapped brownies — at least four now — out of her bag and eating them in small bites with tiny fingers.
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confessions #32
sometimes i mistakenly move the cursor down to the bottom left when i want to turn caps lock on and off.
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late mornings.
slowly you learn that it’s okay to be sad sometimes.
and you get to know intimately those things that cause you sadness.
your friends beaten down.
your lovers confused.
the strange loneliness of distance.
the desire of failed possibility.
this is different than anger. this is different than insecurity. this is different than loss.
this is different than depression.
sadness has no...
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two days. how long it takes for the first alice glass comparison with the new hair.
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montreal weather fail
everywhere is already stocked with frisbees and flip flops and all i want is a pair of damn minigloves.
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why do i always find seated positions comfiest that inevitably end with pins and needles in all of my feets ow ow ow ow ow
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at first
i was like, why is everybody checking me out? then i was like, oh right, this is montreal.
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we are all subjects of the metaphor.
– throes of love, julia kristeva
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NEW SERIES: reasons not to watch tv #1
siblings sorting out their shit through singing catchy songs to each other and then talking about their real feelings
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STRUCTURE OF FEELING
where have you been all my life
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I HAVE A GREAT IDEA
LET’S SET OURSELVES UP FOR FAILURE AGAIN AND AGAIN, OKAY? RIGHT ON. SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN. NOTHING GETS ME GOING LIKE IMPOSSIBLE DREAMS. NOTHING MAKES ME RUN FASTER THAN A HORIZON I WILL NEVER REACH.
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word of the 2012 exam season
‘navigate’
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...
DEAR MICROCLIMATE,
SERIOUSLY.
LET’S BE SERIOUS.
this better be followed by a shitload of rainbow puppies & dancing cats. & salad rolls. lots of salad rolls.
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survival strategies #29
i will not post about the weather i will not post about the weather i will not post about the weather…
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holdin on
momentum.
two job interviews in the past two days.
one business plan almost finished.
one writer’s retreat application to finish.
fifteen library books to return.
five two papers being written.
three one exams left to write.
one grad proposal marinating.
two weeks two days to do it all.
one at a time.
breathe. breathe. breathe. slowly.
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confessions #31
it is exhausting to be strong all the time
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goodbye lullaby
the street traffic out my window just won’t compare to your breath next to me
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just realized
my new nail polish is the colour of the only patio wall.
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confessions #30
i read the thesaurus when i was young bc i thought it would be about dinosaurs.
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All distances are the same to those who don’t meet.
– Offshore, Penelope Fitzgerald
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confessions #29
no matter how much time i spend in the city, i’m still a country kid at heart.
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happy girl
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real time.
[TRIGGER WARNING: self harm, burns, scars, anorexia]
i burned a knuckle on my right hand making toast in the oven last week.
(i dislike toasters and won’t have one in my house, unless there is a super toaster one day that will guarantee me it won’t light on fire. like a laser toaster, maybe.)
tonight i looked down, and the skin around the burn was purple and inflamed, and the scab...